Visit to Sri Ramanasramam

Introduction

This is a write up about my visit to the Ramanasramam from 1^st February to 5^th February, 2025. This is a slightly lengthy one but might be of interest to those who follow Ramana Maharshi and might help those who want to visit Ramanasramam. Sub headings are given in the article, which might help those, who cannot go through the entire article, to go to those portions which would interest them. Since photography is not allowed inside the Asramam, photos of Asramam premises are not available. Eventually, if it inspired you to visit Ramanasramam or follow Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi, I would be very happy.

Booking the accommodation

I was interested in the teachings of Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi and had a desire to visit the Ramanasramam, but it didn’t happen due to one reason or the other. Rather I would say that I didn’t get enough time to plan the visit. When I left Infosys on 5^th December 2024 without another job, I had enough time for myself and was thinking of utilizing the time in the best possible way. I had a discussion with Dr. Sachin of TISA and he also suggested me to view this as an opportunity to spend time on something useful. He suggested that spending time in an Asram would be a good idea. That was the inspiration to take the final step to visit the Ramanasramam

The accommodation and food are free at the Asramam and maximum 5 days are allowed for Indians and 2 weeks for foreigners. Voluntary contributions are accepted. I went to their website ( https://www.gururamana.org/ is the website of the Asramam from where you can navigate to https://stay.gururamana.org/home for booking the accommodation) and booked the accommodation for 1^st to 6^th January and they responded with the revised dates of 1^st to 5^th February. I readily accepted it as I had no other engagements!

The first day at Ramanasramam

Reaching Ramanasramam

I started from Bangalore on 1^st February at 8 AM and reached the Asramam at 12.10 PM. I went via Sarjapur, Kagganoor – Nallur road, Hosur, Krishnagiri and Chengam (you can go via Electronic City, Attibale, Hosur too. The Google map showed the Asramam school for special children and the dispensary of the Asramam as the destination but I couldn’t see the arch of the Asramam. I enquired with a street vendor and he told me to go a little ahead and that the arch would be near the autorickshaw stand. He told there was no parking space inside and told me to park it somewhere there. I thought of moving ahead, locate the place and then park somewhere there. I could see the arch after a distance but couldn’t find a parking space. So, I drove backwards and parked it near the special school.  

The arch of Ramanasramam in the night of the first day

Allotment of the room

After taking the copy of the Aadhar which they had asked for, I went inside. I gave the footwear to the free footwear stand and visited the accommodation office. Nobody was there, as all had gone for lunch. I could see Mr. Anand Ramanan, the president of the Asramam at his office. One attendant asked me to wait for some time, till the lady managing the computerised accommodation requests came. The lunch is provided in the Asramam at 11.30 AM. After 10 mins an elderly gentleman in white Dhoti and shirt came and enquired about my presence. I later heard him say his name as Srinivasa Murthy. The Hindu’s book on Ramana Maharshi mentions about one Dr. Srinivasa Murthy and I think I met the same person. (K.S. Kannan, another person mentioned in the book, was also seen on subsequent days; twice serving breakfast to the inmates and on some other occasions inside the Asramam). He completed the formalities and allotted the room. Though the Aadhar card or its copy was asked for, it was not collected and stored with them.

Usage of the footwear

I asked whether the footwear could be used while using the toilets inside the Asramam and he told me not to worry as the room was inside the Asramam itself and the toilet inside the room could be used. He also told that the footwear could be used if the general toilets had to be used. I also had a query about the usage of the footwear while trekking to Skandasramam and Virupaksha cave but he was a bit busy and I thought of asking it later. He told me and a few others, who had also come to occupy the room, to wait for the other person to come and update the online record. Since she was taking time, he told us to come at 3.30 PM and meet her.

Shooting of the serial on Ramana Maharshi

At the same time a few people came to the president’s office with camera and I could see an actress of the serial on Ramana Maharshi which was going on in Sankara TV. A few portions were getting shot there. They were there the next day too.

The accommodation inside the Asramam

As mentioned earlier, the room was allotted inside the premises itself. The room number was A-9. It was inside the compound where the dispensary and the special school were functioning, the destination shown by Google map earlier! I went to the security and he asked for the key of the room. When I showed it, he allowed me inside and I parked my car in front of the special school.

Entrance to the dispensary and the special school

He told me to find out the room and take the luggage after that, to prevent roaming around with the luggage. It turned out to be a good suggestion as I had some difficulty in finding out the room. While roaming around, searching for the room, I saw a big rock which had a structure built at the bottom with a window and a door. I was wondering what it was. Later when I viewed the video of David Godman to check the details of Palakothu, I realised that it was a cave which was used by Yogi Ramaiah and later by Krishna Swamy, who was an attender of Bhagavan. I came back and told him that I couldn’t find the room. Another security came and he told me to go in a particular direction and at last I located it.

It was close to Chadwick memorial, Yogi Ramaiah cottage and A Devaraja Mudaliar cottage and the Samadhis of Chadwik, S. S. Cohen etc. It was an old room with clay tiles but was neatly maintained. It had meshed windows and door, a cot, fan, stool, table, chair and a shelf. The bathroom had a geyser, European closet and a washbasin. It was surrounded by trees, and monkeys and peacocks were seen around that. It had the advantage of being inside the Asramam itself and it was possible to go to the Asramam whenever I wanted. I understand that there were rooms outside the Asramam too and some of them are quite new with ceramic tiles and all but I felt, that wouldn’t give the feel of living in the Asramam.

Chadwick memorial and Yogi Ramaiah cottage

A Devaraja Mudaliar cottage and a peacock near that

The room at Ramanasramam

Monkeys near the room

Having lunch outside and finishing the check in formalities

Since the lunch time was over, I had lunch at Hotel Ananda Ramana, just opposite the Asramam. Around 3 PM, I went to meet the person to complete the formalities online. On the way to the Asramam, I could see the Samadhis of Lakshmi the cow, Jackie the dog, Valli the deer and the blessed crow. Again, though the Aadhar card or its copy was asked for, it was not collected and stored with them.

Samadhis of Lakshmi the cow, Jackie the dog, Valli the deer and the blessed crow at a distance

Usage of footwear while trekking uphill

After completing the formalities, I enquired with her whether footwear could be used for trekking uphill and she told it could be used. They will have to be kept outside the Skandasramam and Virupaksha cave. She also told that the footwear could be worn on the pathway on the two sides of the Asramam to reach the way uphill.

Food

Free breakfast at 7 AM, lunch at 11.30 AM, tea/milk  at 4 PM and dinner at 7 PM are provided for the inmates and special invitees. The security might ask for the room key to check whether that person is an inmate or not. At 4 PM, I went for the tea. Tea or milk without sugar was also available.

Afternoon routine

While waiting for the tea, I met one of the persons who was also allotted a room along with me. He was from Chennai and was coming for the third time. He told me not to miss going uphill and doing Girivalam (circumambulating the Arunachala hill). After tea I decided to explore the Asramam and roamed around; visited the book stall, the library, the cow shed etc. In the book stall, I located a few books which I had in my mind and decided to buy them on one of the subsequent days.

After that, I visited the Mathrubuteswara temple (Bhagavan’s mother’s Samadhi) and the new hall which is more like a foyer to the temple, Bhagavan’s Samadhi shrine, Samadhi room, Samadhis of Chinnaswami or Swami Niranjanananda (Bhagavan’s brother) and his son T. N. Vekataraman or Swami Ramanananda and the old hall aka meditation room and attended the evening chanting at Bhagavan’s samadhi shrine. I spent some time meditating in the halls before the evening chanting. After that, I went to the room, had a bath and came back for dinner at 7 PM. After dinner, I meditated again in the Bhagavan’s shrine, the new hall and the old hall and went back to sleep after visiting the Samadhis of Muruganar, Swami Rajeswarananda, Viswanatha Swami, Ramaswami Pillai and Kunju Swami, which were located inside the Asramam and opposite the place where the accommodation was provided. This was more or less my afternoon routine during the stay.

The daily routine of activities at the Asramam

Working hours of Asramam facilities 

The second day at Ramanasramam

Skandasramam and the freezing of time

The next day went for the chanting at 6 AM and then for breakfast. Decided to trek to Skandasramam and Virupaksha cave. I started the trek around 8.25 AM and was using the footwear. While trekking upwards, somebody asked the time and it was around 8.45 AM. On the way, there is a point from where you get a very good view of the Arunachaleswara temple. I reached Skandasramam by 8.55 AM. The footwear was left near the place where the security was sitting. After visiting the Samadhi room of Bhagavan’s mother, I decided to leave around 9.20 AM, after meditating in the main building for some time. The time was 9.05 AM and after some time when I checked, it was still 9.05 AM and I realised that the watch had stopped. It was recently serviced and was working well. I decided to check the time on the phone, but was surprised to see that restarting. Though it would have happened just like that, it was like telling me that in reality there was no time! Surprisingly, the watch started to work later when I reached home after the trip!

The view of Arunachaleswara temple on the way to Skandasramam

Skandasramam

Virupaksha cave

After that, I visited the Virupaksha cave. We have to climb down a bit from the Skandasramam to reach the Virupaksha cave. There was no security guard but a person in ochre rob was manning the cave. The footwear was left near the entrance. There are two chambers and you will have to bend the head down while entering the inner chamber, lest it hits he ceiling. The book, ‘Who am I’, which summarises the teachings of Bhagavan, in different languages, were kept there for reading. I spent some time meditating in both the chambers.

Virupaksha cave

Guhai Namasivaya temple

After that, I visited the Guhai Namasivaya temple (not exaclty sure whether it is Guhai Namasivaya cave), for which we need to climb down a bit from the Virupaksha cave. The person, manning the place, was asking the visitors to make donations using the QR code kept inside. I went inside, sat for some time, made a small donation and came out. Some books were kept in an adjacent room but I am not sure whether they were for sale.

Entrance to Guhai Namasivaya temple

Meeting a fellow visitor

At Guhai Namasivaya temple, one person, who was climbing along with me, began to talk to me. He was a Telugu and was staying at Shiva Sannidhi Asramam near Ramanasramam. He told the pathway downwards from Guhai Namasivaya cave would lead to the Rajagopuram of Arunachaleswara temple and whether I was interested in taking that. I was not planning the visit at that time and we decided to walk back.

Unnamalai Amman temple and Mulaipal Theertham

While climbing back to Virupaksha cave, there was a pavement to the right. My fellow traveller told, we could explore that, as a few people were seen using that path. It led us to Unnamalai Amman temple and the nearby Mulaipal Theertham. There, we could again see a pathway downwards and saw a few people coming that way. That way, also led to the Rajagopuram and he suggested taking that. I was not keen on that as the lunch time was 11.30 AM at the Asramam and I wanted to reach before that.

Unnamalai Amman temple

Mulaipal Theertham

Climbing down

We started climbing down around 10.30 AM and reached back around 11 AM. While climbing down, I decided to remove the footwear, when it was around 400 mtrs away from the Asramam. The pathway was paved with stones and it was not that difficult. I realised that the climb up also could have been done without footwear, but anyway since I was not used to walking barefoot, I think it was a good decision to use the footwear.

In the meantime, I noticed that most of the visitors were either Telugus or foreigners. I asked the Telugu person accompanying me and he told Telugus are like that. They wouldn’t leave any temple or religious places and told, that would be the case in Sabarimala too, as he thought I would be familiar with that place.

Annamalai Swami’s Samadhi

After coming back, I had lunch at 11.30 AM and then visited Annamalai Swami’s Samadhi which was near the room. Only two or three people were around and they were meditating. I also sat there for some time for meditation. After that, I took the Prasadam which was kept there and went around the shrine and went to the room.

Book store

After taking rest, I went to the book store and bought the following books; 1) Sri Ramana Gita translated by Prof. K. Swaminathan (another version by S. Sankaranarayanan was also available but that was a bit bulky. I am a slow reader and decided to buy the smaller one), 2) Self-realisation, the first English biography of Bhagavan by B. V. Narasimhaswamy, 3) Yoga Vasishta Sara, 4) Self enquiry, 5) Kaivalya Navaneetham, 6) Essence of Ribhu Gita, (the full version of Ribhu Gita was also available but I decided to read the essence first) and 7) All is one. It cost me Rs. 425/-. I had a few more books in my mind but decided to buy them after reading these.

Meeting the person from Chennai again

While having tea, I met the person from Chennai again and he asked me what I had done for the day and what my plans were. I told him about my visit uphill and that I was planning a visit to Sheshadri Swami’s Asramam and Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Asramam, the next day. He told he went for Girivalam and that it took 3.5 hours for him to finish. He covered Sheshadri Swami’s Asramam as part of that and he told the cafeteria inside Sheshadri Swami’s Asramam was very good. He had also visited an orphanage which do not advertise, spent time with them and had lunch there. He told he couldn’t see the samadhi of Muruganar and I pointed towards that as it was located close to the place where we were standing. I told the samadhi of Annamali Swami was also nearby, which he was not aware of. He told the samadhi of Sadhu Om was on the way to Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Asramam.

Gallery displaying picture and some articles used by Bhagavan

In the evening while coming back to the room, after listening to the chanting, I decided to enter a building which I earlier thought was a cottage which was allotted to somebody. I had seen some photographs and lights inside, throughout the day. It was a gallery displaying the pictures and some articles used by Bhagavan. I didn't realise it earlier and would have missed it. It was near the Samadhi of Lakshi the cow and all. Later, I got to know from the serial on Ramana Maharshi in Sankara TV that Bhagavan underwent surgery in that room.

The third day at Ramanasramam

Sheshadri Swami's Asramam

After breakfast, I visited Sheshadri Swami's Asramam which was adjacent to Ramanasramam. There, I visited the different shrines and the hall where the idols of various Swami's were kept. I meditated in the hall for some time and left. Rooms are available there too but they charge some amount for that. I also saw the cafeteria, which the person from Chennai, had mentioned about.

Sheshadri Swami's Asramam

Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Asramam

After that, I visited Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Asramam. There, I visited the hall which housed the Samadhi and an exhibition depicting his life. The Sidhi Sthal or Samadhi room, where his belongings and photos are kept was behind that and I visited that place too. After that, I went around the Asramam which was marked as Girivalam. May be, this is a miniature version of Girivalam, which was proposed by the Yogi. They were providing free breakfast as Prasadam and I had a very small tiffin from there too. There too, I could see rooms for accommodation but do not know the details. While going to Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Asramam, I was looking for Sadhu Om’s Samadhi but I couldn’t see that.

Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Asramam

The view of Arunachala hill while coming back from Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Asramam

Girivalam in an autorikshaw

After that I came back, meditated in the old hall and had lunch. After that, I took an autorickshaw and visited the Ashtalingams and did an auto Girivalam. He charged Rs. 700/- which was quite high. Since I had no company and was not familiar with the place, I decided to go around in the autorickshaw. The Vayu lingam, which is part of Ashtalingams, was closed by the time I reached there but I saw the deity from outside. The Surya lingam which is not part of Ashtalingams was also closed. There is Chandra lingam too which is not part of Ashtalingams. Indra lingam couldn't be visited as he told it was near the Arunachaleswara temple and it was difficult to go in an autorickshaw.

Pali Theertham, Palakothu and meeting Ram

When I came back, I decided to take the pathway on the side of the Ashram to reach the room and saw a pond on the way. I was wondering whether it was Pali Theertham which I had read about in the books about Bhagavan. I checked the Google map and almost confirmed it. Then I was checking where Palakothu was and it showed that the area around Annamalai Swami's Samadhi for that. At that time, I saw one of the attendants, who was regularly seen in the Samadhi Shrine and old hall coming that way and I asked him. (His name was Ram, which I got to know towards the end of that meeting). He asked whether I was a Telugu since I spoke in English and I told I was a Malayalee. He continued in English. He confirmed that the pond was indeed Pali Theertham and that the area around and behind Annamalai Swami's Samadhi was Palakothu. The place where the rooms were built can also be considered as part of Palakothu. Bhagavan used to come for his walks in these places and I was living in a room which was on a place frequented by him.

Ram showing Annamalai Swami’s house

He told the house of Annamalai Swami was also located near his Samadhi and that Paul Brunton's house could also be seen from there. He himself invited me to go along with him and I followed him. He showed the house which I didn't realise earlier as Annamalai Swami’s house. He mentioned about David Godman and asked me whether I knew him. When I said yes, he asked me how and I told I had read about Ramana and seen David’s videos. I enquired about V. Ganesan, who was the grandnephew of Bhagavan and he told, Ganesan was spending most of the time at home and was not coming to the Asramam regularly. He opened up and we discussed for some time about Ramana. David Godman had written ‘Living by the words of Bhagwan’, a book on Annamalai Swami, after listening to Annamalai Swami in that house.

Annamalai Swami’s Samadhi and house

Ram telling the meaning of Palakothu

He asked whether I knew the meaning of Palakothu. I thought it was related to milk as pal meant milk. He told Pala in Tamil means Jackfruit and that the area was full of Jackfruit trees. Later I searched google and found that Kothu meant cluster. So Palakothu means a cluster of jackfruit trees. 

Ram showing Agasthiar Theerham and Paul Bruton’s house

Then he took me to the top of Annamalai Swami's house and showed the area behind that. It was Palakothu. I saw Agasthiar Theerham or Palakothu Theertham, the Ganesha temple and Paul Brunton's house. Later I learned from David Godman’s video that this house was initially bult by B. V. Narasimhaswamy and was occupied by Brunton, when he left Tiruvannamalai to visit Shirdi.

Agasthiar Theerham and Paul Bruton’s house (behind the wall)

Ram mentioning about Ganga Maa and David Godman writing a book about her

I asked his name. He was Ram. He told David would come for parayana (chanting or reading) on Saturdays and Mondays and told he would show him to me if I was there in the evening, as it was a Monday. He told Davind was associated with a lady saint from Kerala, named Ganga Maa and was writing a book about her. She lived in a place near Ramanasramam and the Satsangs happened daily. He told I could visit her if I was interested. 

Ram mentioning about Papa Ramdas

He spoke about Papa Ramdas and his Anandasramam in Kanhangad in Kerala and asked whether it was close to my place. I told him that it was about 300 KMs from my home town but that I was living in Bangalore. Then he told visiting Ramanasramam from Bangalore was very easy and that I could visit very often. He told several people from Ramanasramam visited Anandasramam regularly.

Ram speaking about Girivalam

He asked me whether I was planning Girivalam and the temple visit. I told him about the auto Girivalam and he told Rs.700/- was very high. He told the autorikshaw drivers were fleecing the customers. Since the foreigners and those from outside Tamil Nadu were paying whatever they asked for, they were exploiting the devotees. He told if Girivalam could not be done, Bhagavan had suggested going around the Arunachaleswara temple which was equivalent to Girivalam and suggested me to do that.

Ram’s advice on visiting Arunachaleswara temple and taking leave of him

I enquired about Pavalakundru and Gurumurtham temples where Bhagavan had stayed. He told Pavalakundru was close to Arunachaleswara temple but was slightly uphill and told me to explore it in the next visit. Gurumurtham was a bit far and he told he himself hadn’t visited it. He told me to avoid early morning and evening while visiting the Arunachaleswara temple as it would be crowed. He told entry to the inner chamber will be closed by 8 PM and the temple would be closed by 9 PM. Weekends and Mondays are crowded; weekends due to the weekend crowd and Mondays due to the fact that they are special days for Lord Siva. Since I was planning to go there on Tuesday, he told Tuesday was the best day for a peaceful visit. He suggested going by bus instead of autorikshaw and that I should pay only Rs.50/- if I was going by the autorikshaw. He told the bus would cost only Rs.10/-.  I bade him bye at that time and then went back to the room. Most of the time, he was seen in the Samadhi shrine, writing something after referring a book. I am not sure whether he was doing it as a Sadhana or writing a book.

Archives

After tea, I went to the office to enquire where the archives were kept. I had read about it in the book published by The Hindu. The attendant told, it was not public. Though I was a bit disappointed, I accepted it and moved ahead.

Buying a few more books

Then, I visited the bookstore again and bought three more books, though I had decided to buy more books only after completing those which were bought the previous day! I thought the following books were important and I should not postpone buying them. They were 1) Periya Puranam, the only spiritual book Bhagavan had read before his death experience and the subsequent self-realisation, 2) Day by day with Bhagavan by A. Devaraja Mudaliar and 3) Ashtavakra Gita, a Kannada to English translation which was earlier published by Mysore palace. It cost me Rs. 520/-. I wanted to buy Talks with Ramana Maharshi too but its paperback edition was not available.

Planning the trip to Arunachaleswara temple

During Parayana, I was checking for David but didn’t see him. Ram also told me that he didn’t come. In the night, I met Ram again and asked whether walking to the Arunachaleswara temple was a good idea. He told if I could walk, that was the best option. So, I decided to walk to the temple next morning.

The fourth day at Ramanasramam

Visit to the Arunachaleswara temple

After breakfast I went to the Arunachaleswara temple by walk. On the way, I took the photo of Sheshadri Swami’s Asramam which I had not done the previous day. I started around 8.15 AM and reached the temple around 8.45 AM. I entered the temple through the gate before the Rajagopuram. The cloak room was closed and I had to drop the footwear with a lady flower vendor. It was not much crowded as told by Ram. Still, I decided to go for the special Darsan by paying Rs.50/-. I struggled a bit to find the place to buy the ticket. Somebody told me to go to the right and enter the compound from the other side, which was the Rajagopuram side. I went there and joined the queue for special Darsan.

The view of Arunachala hill while going to the Arunachaleswara temple

Patala Linga shrine

The first visit was to the Patala Linga shrine, which comes before the ticket counter and which I was very eager to see. It was the place where Bhagavan had spent time, oblivious of the surroundings and where Sheshadri Swami found him and brought him out. It was renovated by Ramanasramam and I went inside. The shrine was open and the priest was available. He gave me the Vibhuti and immediately after that closed the shrine. I was lucky enough to reach there on time! I went around the shrine and came out.

Patala Linga shrine

Visiting the main shrine of Arunachaleswara temple

After that I went to some small shrines and then took the ticket for special Darsan. Unfortunately, that queue was longer than the normal queue. I had the Darsan of the deity and other major deities and came out. After that I went once again to visit the Patala Lingam, sat there and took a photo. While going again they had closed the pathway with a gate and opened a small portion of that. I didn’t notice the lower rung of that gate and hit against that and injured my leg. Luckily it was not a big injury and I took it as a punishment for whatever mistakes I had committed. After visiting the Patala Linga shrine, I came out of the temple through the Rajagopuram. I couldn’t see the thousand pillared hall though I wanted to see it and decided to do it in the next visit. It was the name of this temple which initiated Ramana to the spiritual path. It is a huge temple with great spiritual vibrations and a must visit.

Visit to Indra lingam and return

The Indra lingam, which I had missed in the auto Girivalam, was close to the temple and I went there. I came back to collect the footwear and paid Rs.50/- for that. At that time the cloak room was open, both at that gate and at Rajagopuram. I am not sure whether the cloak room at Rajagopuram was open when I visited the temple, as I had not entered through that but I think they open around 9 AM or 9.30 AM. After that, I went around the temple, as suggested by Ram, as it was equivalent to Girivalam. I walked back, after that, around 10.30 AM, and went to Yogi Ramsuratkumar’s Asramam once again as I wanted to take the photo of the Asramam.

Old post office, Veda Pathsala and the moulded model of Arunachala hill

In the evening, I decided to explore the Asramam once again as I couldn’t see the old post office, the Veda Pathsala and the moulded model of Arunachala hill in one of the store rooms which Annamalai Swami had made based on the suggestion of Bhagavan. I had read in the book of ‘The Hindu’ that the Veda Pathsala was close to the cow shed. When I visited the cow shed on the first day, I had seen a few buildings on the left-hand side of that, while going from the Samadhi shrine. One of the buildings had the board ‘No admission’ and I had decided not to turn that way. I just decided to go in front of those and realised that, that itself was the old post office. I sat at the place where Bhagavan had sat in one of the famous pictures. Then I turned towards the dining hall and saw the Veda Pathsala, adjacent to that building. When I reached the dining hall, I decided to turn towards the library and looked inside the store room on the right and there, to my surprise, saw the moulded model of the hill!  

Seeing David Godman

In the night, when I was coming out of the new hall when it was getting closed, I saw David Godman entering the hall. He met a lady and both of them went out. Since, I wanted to see him, I just followed them. They went out of the Asramam and went away in a scooter. In the night, when I met Ram, I told him that I had seen David. He told, the previous day when he went home, he saw David there and he had not come for Parayana as he and his wife had gone for Girivalam. He told there was an evening Satsang at Ganga Maa’s place on Tuesdays and he and his wife would have come after that. I told I saw him going out with a lady and he told it would be his wife. She is a professor of philosophy in Australia and had come to India for vacation. He told, my wish to see him was anyway fulfilled!

Dermatologist from Baroda

On one of these days, I was sitting near a dignified elderly person for breakfast or lunch or dinner, I don’t remember for what. On more than one occasion, his hand brushed against me. Initially, I thought, I was sitting very close to him and moved a bit away but it happened again. He apologised on all those occasions and in the end told he was very clumsy. I just smiled and told it was alright. I sat near him again on the subsequent day and he told he would try his best not to be clumsy! He didn’t brush against me and in the end told with a smile that he succeeded in his mission. I affirmed it and told that it was perfect!

On the fourth day, when I went for dinner, I saw a seat near him again and he smilingly invited me. We got into a discussion and he asked whether I was from Bangalore. It was a wild guess and it was correct! He told he was basically from Baroda but had a house in Tiruvannamalai too. He asked whether I was coming for the first time and I told yes. I asked about his visit and he told he was visiting the Asramam from 1970. I told, I was not even born at that time. He told it made him felt very old. I told he would have been quite young at that time and he smilingly replied telling he was still young. I agreed with him and told he was young but would have been quite young at 1970! I told, I was planning to come there for a long time but it didn’t happen and that I could find time as I left the job two months back. Then he told, you were retired! That was what I was also thinking of myself and told it could be considered as a semi-retirement! He asked in which field I was working and I told IT. I asked him whether he was working somewhere or was into some business. He told he was a Dermatologist and was working in Bahrain. He also conveyed that, that visit was a special one as his son was visiting the Asramam, along with his wife, for the first time after getting married. I wished them the best in my mind. He was speaking impeccable English and I was also thinking that he was highly educated. I didn’t ask his name. Otherwise, I would have revealed his name, which luckily didn’t happen!

The fifth day at Ramanasramam

Sadhu Om’s Samadhi

Since the checkout was at 12 noon, I decided to use the little time available till that to explore the Samadhi of Sadhu Om. I checked the Google map and found that, it was immediately after the right turn towards Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Asramam. Instead of turning right, we have to move straight. I also checked the place of Ganga Maa and saw that, it was on the road towards the left from where the right turn to Yogi Ramsuratkumar's Asramam had to be taken. Instead of turning right, we need to turn left.

The gate of Sadhu Om’s Samadhi was bolted but not locked. It also had the Samdhi of Thinnai Swami. I visited both the Samadhi shrines. The office was closed. They had mentioned ‘Strictly no donations accepted’!

Sadhu Om’s Samadhi

Ganga Maa’s place

Then I visited Ganga Maa’s place. It was a house where several foreigners had congregated. A book edited by David Goeman was kept for sale, but nobody was manning the counter. The Satsang was at 9.30 AM and it was only 8.45 AM. I decided to leave and learn about her first, before attending the Satsang. There is a website about her but not much details are available about her background. Let me wait.

Check out

I packed everything and kept them in the car. While going to the car, I walked past Mr. K. V. Subrahmonyan, about whom there was an article in the book by ‘The Hindu’. I had seen him on another day too. I decided to have the lunch and check out after that. When I went to the accommodation office, it was closed. I waited for some time and the lady looking into the online room booking came and I went inside and gave the key. She updated the records and the formalities were completed in five minutes. I asked how I can make some contributions and she told me to scan the QR code available there and do it. She told if I had come earlier and done it at the accounts office, they would have given the receipt at that time itself. I told that was fine and transferred the amount. The online receipt came after some time.

I thanked her for the stay and left around 12.30 PM and visited the Vayu Lingam once again as it was closed during the auto Girivalam. It was closed again as I had visited it almost at the same time earlier! I reached home at 4.40 PM using the same route which I had taken in the forward journey.

Conclusion

Before starting, I was a bit apprehensive as to whether I would like the stay but, in the end, it turned out to be a great experience. On the first day I thought I would feel some current of the Self, which I used to feel on and off earlier, immediately after sitting in one of the halls but it didn’t happen. I think I was a bit anxious initially. On the second night, suddenly, I began to feel the current. Though it has waned a bit, it still continues. Hope it stays. For those, who are interested in spirituality, this place is a must visit.

(Finalised on 15-Feb-2025)

How to deal with children who stammer

Sometimes, I get messages asking for tips on dealing with children who stammer. Some of them tell they had little success with speech therapy of their children. On a few occasions, I told them that generally speech therapy was about managing stammering and chances of a complete recovery were high among children. I also told them that we ourselves can help the children in most of the cases. Unfortunately a few of them became more worried after hearing these. Instead of that, let us look at the positives.

Early and correct intervention from our side will help the child a lot, even leading to complete recovery. In fact my kids, son and daughter had also shown some signs of disfluency when they were 2 to 3 years old. Since I myself am a stammerer, I was really worried though my close relatives told these were normal in any child. Since there is a genetic connection to stammering, I wanted to ensure that they did not get it. The following points about dealing with stammering in children are based on my experiences too.

Old habits never die. If the child becomes successful in not making this style of speaking a habit, it leads to a complete recovery. To help the child in this, we should not make the child conscious of the way in which he or she speaks. The parent should not panic and show it on his or her face while dealing with the child. The child should not get a feeling that something is wrong. Let the child speak as if everything is fine. As some people say, stammering is something which happens when we try not to stammer. So let the child continue to speak without struggling to correct the speech.

In a bid to help the child we might advise him or her to slow down. This will help only in making the child conscious of the fact that something is wrong with his speech. Instead of that we should convey the same message by slowing down our own speech. If everybody at home decides to speak slowly, the same will be picked up by the child! 

Similarly allow the child to complete the words even if he or she is struggling. Do not try to complete the words. Be patient and listen carefully by maintaining normal eye contact and without flinching. These would help in not making the child conscious of the issue. Normally the onset of stammering happens when the child is 2 years old. At that time, the child will be most probably in the care of the parents. 

The points mentioned above if practiced, can help the child in coming out of the issue before he or she grows up  and starts interacting with the external world. If child has grown up, the following points in addition to  the above points might help.

Though adults do not face much ridicule, a child who stammers faces this a lot. The other children might see it as something funny and might make comments or laugh at it. If the child has siblings, talk to them and ask them to follow the same points mentioned above. Ask them to behave normally with him or her. If possible do the same with his or her friends too. If the child is of the school going age, please inform the teacher about this. If the child is complaining of children making fun of him, please convey the same to the teacher or take the help of the teacher. 

If the child is discussing about the issues of stammering, be open and calm and make him or her feel that it is okay to stammer. Encourage the child to do whatever he or she likes and appreciate him or her for the achievements. Let the child feel that he or she is just like any other child. If required, take the help of a speech therapist (speech language pathologist) who focusses of fluency issues. 

The confidence gained by the child in a friendly atmosphere at home and outside will surely help him or her in dealing with this situation. Early intervention aimed at not making the child conscious of the issue is the key. A few videos which might be of help are given below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2_mgt87g1Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMDNawyO1j4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTpckAufNDE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Po-WMo8vXRY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTfTai2JG4E

How to deal with stammering (A sequel to Ssstammering and my life)

Sometimes I get mails from people, who read my blog ‘Ssstammering and my life’ athttp://sudheendranavittathur.blogspot.in/2016/02/ssstammering-and-my-life.html, asking whether there is a cure for stammering and what are the ways of dealing with stammering. I am not a person who is cured of stammering. In fact there is no known cure for it. In other words, there is no treatment which can guarantee a cure. When somebody hears this, he usually becomes disappointed. There is no need to become disappointed, as stammering can be managed to such an extent that it doesn’t affect the life of the stammerer.

The experts compare stammering with an iceberg. What you see outside is only a small part. There is a big emotional baggage which is not visible outside. From my experience, the traditional treatments or therapies deal with the part which is seen outside. They teach methods like prolongation, speaking slowly, breathing techniques etc, but they don’t usually deal with the submerged part. May be, that is the reason why most of the traditional therapies do not give long lasting relief from stammering.

There are people who lead a normal life though they stammer. Most of them do not show any symptom of stammering or they stammer very lightly. How is it so? The answer is; they manage it. They have learned how to deal with it and how to handle the day to day activities without difficulties. They have learned how to live with it. They have accepted their stammering and they do not run away from things from which they always used to run away.

The most important point is accepting yourself as a stammerer and removing the shame of stammering from the mind. When we try to hide or fight with it, it increases the tension. It will aggravate the problem. Instead of that be comfortable with it and stammer easily. We can even tell in advance that we stammer. By doing this, we won’t try to hide our stammering and the tension will go away.

Accepting yourself as a stammerer is a concept which is very much misunderstood. We speak about revealing our stammering in advance and relieving the tension. When I just finished my education and was looking for a job, I used to reveal my stammering in interviews, but I never got any relief! I used to stammer more and used to fail miserably! I used to reveal it, as if I was resigned to the fact that I was a stammerer and that I was sorry about that. It was that attitude which was creating the issue.

Acceptance is living with stammering, without fighting with that. You accept it as a part of your life and go ahead in life. You learn to be easy with that or learn to coexist with that. You don’t think of getting a magic remedy with which you can come out of it. You learn to stammer easily.

Most of the time, we are very much worried about the reaction of others or what others think about us when we stammer. We think others will ridicule us. In reality others are more interested in what we speak, not in how we speak. Most of the people are accommodative and are willing to listen (this might not be the case with children though). Only a minority laughs at this. Let them laugh. Let us laugh along with them or laugh off their ridicule. When a majority is willing to accommodate us, let us speak, even if we stammer. Lets not hide it.

The article ‘Ssstammering and my life’ was written when I was in HCL. That was the time when I started to accept my stammering. By 2010, I left HCL and joined JSW group in their IT division known as JSoft solutions. I joined them in a senior level role and it was necessary for me to interact with the CEO and other leaders of the organization, coordinate meetings of seniors, deal with external vendors etc. Though I used to run meetings with seniors in my previous jobs, I used to struggle a lot and used to feel bad. This job required that and a bit more to be done frequently. The concept of acceptance made me at ease and I began to do these with ease, though I used to stammer. I would continue irrespective of my stammering!

After one year, I  joined Infosys. Here too, interactions and meetings with senior leaders were part of the job. Though I faltered in a few cases, I continued. I slowly realized that I was not feeling bad in these situations. Another area which I could improve was talking over the phone, as the people with whom I interacted were sitting in different cities. Earlier I was not comfortable with telephonic conversations. Again, doing it continuously gave me the confidence. The new found confidence combined with acceptance made me a better speaker over the phone too.

Experts say, facing the challenges head on is the best way to deal with it. My experience is not different. Accepting your limitations and going ahead in life is the best way to deal with any difficult situation including stammering.

Does it mean that we should not go for any treatment? Partly yes, but it doesn’t mean that it has to be avoided. Usually, we approach treatments with the hope of getting a complete cure. As mentioned earlier, there is no guaranteed cure for this. When we do not get a cure we become disappointed. It, in turn creates more trouble. So always go to those therapists who treat fluency disorders and those who do not charge a big fee. Go there only to learn some techniques which might help in dealing with stammering and not for cure. Go there to learn how to deal with the visible part of the stammering iceberg. Deal with the submerged part through acceptance and facing the challenges head on.

Most of the people ask about support systems which will help in managing stammering.  Joining the self help group (SHG) will be a good option. It is happening in several places. It is free of cost. It helps you in interacting with fellow stammeres and learning from them. Most of the time, whatever you get to learn from a therapist, can be learned from there free of cost! If you are in India, please visithttp://stammer.in/ to get the details of SHGs run by TISA (The Indian Stammering Association). There will be similar groups in other countries too. TISA also conducts skype calls periodically. Please join those call, if you are unable to join SHGs. These will help in improving your confidence, accepting your stammering and improving your communication skill.

There is more to life than stammering. Start enjoying the life. Some of us would be holding us back from those things which we always wanted to do. We might be under the feeling that we would do it once stammering is cured! Don’t wait for that cure. Just go ahead and do those things which we always wanted to. We will start engaging with life. We will realize that there are several things to attend to other than stammering. Slowly stammering will become not important. Instead of clinging on to stammering, we will release it. We will allow it to be with us without giving it any importance.

If you are comfortable when you stammer, if you develop a smile when somebody ridicules you for stammering, if you are comfortable in talking about stammering, if you are doing those things from which you were running away, then you are managing your stammering well. Does it mean that you will be cured of it after some time? No, you might still stammer, but you will be at ease with it. You will face the world and will succeed!

Acceptance and Su Su Sudhi Vathmeekam

Su Su Sudhi Vathmeekam is a feel good movie which will inspire anybody with stammering or for that matter any disability to come up in life. The key to do that is to accept your stammer/disability and to work on the communication skill or the affected activity. Though recent research shows that stammering has a neurological root, it is not such a big issue to affect the life of the person.

Unlike other disabilities this is most often laughed at. Most of the time this happens... during the childhood of the person. It is the emotional baggage that the person develops over a period of time that makes it a monster. This movie helps in showing this and let's hope the society will give space to the people with stammering.

When you accept yourself as a stammerer, it doesn't mean that he is moving into a shell. It means he has stopped fighting with that. He considers it as part of his life. He might even flaunt it! Take the case of a person who limps. If he doesn't accept his limp and tries to walk like a normal person, he won't be able to move ahead. If he walks with the limp he will move ahead. Similarly, if a stammerer tries to hide his stammering and tries to talk like a normal man, it will only increase the tension and affect his communication. If he allows himself to talk with a stammer, he will allow the monster to come out and will convey his points clearly. He might still stammer, but will not feel ashamed of it. It is okay to stammer! Just speak!

The movie conveys this message and is a must watch. Don't miss it.

Kudos to Ranjith Sankar and Abhayakumar Kanthi Bhavan for coming up with this idea. I will be a happier person if it was remade in Hindi and reached a wider audience.

Please click here to buy the DVD of the movie

(originally written on 29-Nov-2015 in facebook at https://www.facebook.com/sudheendran.avittathur
The previous day I had written my detailed views about the movie. It spoke about the history, the good points, its drawbacks and a summary. It seems the message of the movie was not noticed by many and a few people concentrated on the points which I mentioned as disappointments. This post was written to clarify my stand about the movie.)

Su Su Sudhi Vathmeekam - The Malayalam movie

Today (28-Nov-2015) I watched Su Su Sudhi Vathmeekam directed by my close friend Ranjith Sankar at Innovative multiplex, Marathahalli in Bangalore. Ranjith has made an honest attempt to bring an issue like stammering to the public domain though the movie. The newspaper and online media had shown me as the writer of the story. The titles of the movie told that it was based on my life. Let me clarify that my life was an inspiration for the movie but it is neither my biography nor a story written by me. The credit for the story and a major credit for the script should actually go to Abhayakumar Kanthi Bhavan ( he worked on the script along with Ranjith) who was a friend and former colleague of mine in NeST Information Technologies.

I am a stammerer and am a member of TISA (The Indian Stammering Association) which incidentally gets a mention in the movie too. TISA exhorts its members to accept themselves as stammerers and to remove the shame of stammering from their minds and to work on their communication skills. The concepts of voluntary stammering, bouncing etc are related to that which again are mentioned in the movie. In a bid to accept themselves as stammerers and to come out of their shell, TISA asked their members to write about their experiences about stammering and I also wrote mine. This happened on 21-Oct-2009. Those who want to read it, can access the write up 'ssstammering and my life' at TISA website here http://stammer.in/articles/38-cat-stuttering-related/222-ssstammering-and-my-life.html.

My relationship with Ranjith goes back to 2001 when I joined NeST Information Technologies. Both of us worked as quality engineers in that company. Then he was a renowned script writer of Tele serials and was an aspiring movie maker. We used to sit in the same cubicle and he used to tell that he would make a movie based on me. May be, he saw some eccentricities in me like stammering and sleeping in the trains. He told he would make the hero of his movie a stammerer. I didn’t agree to it as most of the movies treat stammerers as fools and making the hero a stammerer, in a movie, for no reason didn’t make any sense to me. Later Passenger happened which he told was based on my habit of sleeping in the train. I was happy that he didn’t make the hero a stammerer and that he acknowledged me. Later he made a mark as one of the pioneers of new generation movie and I am proud of him.

In the meantime, the movie, The Kings speech was released and I had a chat with him at that time. He asked me whether stammering was such a big issue. At that time I had moved out of NeST and was working in HCL in Bangalore. I told him it indeed was an issue and sent him the link of the write up which was mentioned earlier. He read it and told that he would have made a movie out of it had King’s Speech been not released. If he made a movie on it, people would blame him of copying King’s Speech. He shared the write up with Abhay who was a budding writer and the next day Abhay called me and told that he wanted to write a script based on the write up. King’s speech was based on stammering, but it didn’t mean that there could not be another story on stammering ! I agreed and asked him to go ahead. The only condition from my side was that the movie should deal with the subject of stammering and should give a ray of hope for those who stammer.

He discussed with me the troubles faced by a stammerer and he developed a story and script based on that. The story was about a person who was struggling in his life due to stammering. The struggles of the stammerer were based on my life. The other part in which his wedding gets cancelled, he gets married to the speech therapist who was responsible for that etc were his additions which were approved by me.

One day, he called me and told that he had a chat with Ranjith and that they decided to collaborate to make this. I was happy because I knew both of them and Ranjith is a person who knew me well. They worked together on the script. Ranjith used to call me very frequently to know more about stammering, the techniques like bouncing, TISA, SHG etc. He refined and modified whatever was initially written by Abhay though the storyline remained the same. Later when they decided to do the movie, Ranjith who was the producer, decided to give the credit of the story to me as it was the write up by me which was the initial spark for the movie. Abhay also agreed and my name appeared in the movie.

Ranjith has done a good job in refining and improving the script, writing the dialogues and directing and producing the movie along with Jayasurya. This is a feel good movie and has succeeded in spreading awareness about stammering. Thank you very much Abhay, Ranjith and Jayasurya. When the shooting of the movie was about to start in Bangalore, I met Jayasurya. He asked me some questions to know more about me and I was impressed. I was sure that he would do justice to the role and he didn’t disappoint me. Not only he but all the other actors of the movie also have done a great job. Kudos to all.

There were some rude shocks too in store for me. I was shocked to see the character shown as farting in some of the scenes like the one in which he faints and that of his engagement. I was never aware of it. I contacted Abhay and he told he had not written that. I contacted Ranjith and he told it was only in two scenes and that he also felt it was unnecessary when he saw it. I really could not understand what benefit it brought to the movie other than making him a joker. I never expected this which was really unnecessary and uncalled for. I am really unhappy that such a thing was shown in a movie in which my name was used. Let me tell all who read this that there is no relationship between stammering and farting and that it should have been avoided in the movie. If this was brought in to give some comic relief in an otherwise serious movie, I should tell that it diluted the subject and that it was more of a vulgarity. Please don’t be misled by these scenes.

The character of Vijay Babu was conceived as one who would give the protagonist the realisation that nobody is perfect. I am not sure whether the movie succeeded in that. Similarly the scenes related to SHG also didn’t succeed in conveying what it really is. The conductor of Mary Matha bus was more like a butcher. I don’t know whether there would be a bus conductor like that!
This movie succeeds in giving motivation to the people suffering from disabilities to come up in life. It asks them to accept the disability and do whatever is required to manage that. When it comes to stammering, accept yourself as a stammerer and work on your communication skill. Don’t fight with that but try to be comfortable with that. Don’t be ashamed of that. If possible, laugh at it. Yes, this movie succeeds in conveying these messages, though it disappointed me in some other areas which I mentioned above!

Please click here to buy the DVD of the movie

(originally written on 28-Nov-2015 in facebook at https://www.facebook.com/sudheendran.avittathur/posts/10208195919120087)

Ssstammering and my life

I am Sudheendran, a stammerer from the time I can remember. I am living in Bangalore and am basically from Trichur in Kerala. I was born in 1975 and am the eldest of the two children. I have a younger sister who doesn’t stammer. The only family history of stammering is that of my father’s younger brother, who used to stammer as a child. He overcame this problem as he grew up and I don’t remember seeing him stammer (he passed away a month back). So I don’t think it was a hereditary one or an acquired one in my case. A relative of mine, a girl who was two years younger than me, also used to stammer. She also overcame stammering as she grew up. My parents also had a belief that I would overcome this as I grew up, but it didn’t happen.One of my father’s younger brothers was a Doctor and I remember my mother asking him about this issue and he telling that I would overcome it by the time I turn 12. I was very happy when I turned 12 as I thought my stammering had vanished only to discover to my dismay that it was still there.

Problems faced

My earliest memories of somebody teasing me was from my relatives, who were three or four years elder than me, when I was a small child. I remember the mother of one of them scolding them for doing this and telling them that they would also acquire this problem if they did it. There were instances in which I was teased by some of my class mates and by others like a taxi driver who once teased me for not telling the destination properly. Then, during my engineering college days, a close friend of mine told that I would not be able to get a good job because of this.

As a child I was not bothered by my stammering and it seems the teasing I received and the inability to speak fluently and the resultant fear of failure made me conscious about this problem. Slowly I began to run away from situations where I had to speak and began to take the help of others to get the things done. I am mentioning two of the incidents below.

One day I got a call from one of my friends that he would be late and he wanted to convey this to his parents. I became tensed and was worried whether I would be able to talk to them fluently. So I took my sister along with me and was going there. It was night and one of my relatives saw us and he asked me where I was going. He agreed to convey this to my friend’s parents.

When I was doing the project work of engineering college, I was part of a team of three, in which I was the only day scholar. Though I had a phone at home, I used to refuse to talk to the industrial project guide due to the fear of stammering

Therapies

I have undergone several therapies like speech therapy, psycho therapy, hypnotherapy etc. All of them helped me in improving my speech a bit but it was the relapse which always troubled me. I may speak fluently for 1 to 3 months and it would come back in great force.

My first therapy for stammering was when I was in school. I began to make some distortions with the face while talking, in a bid to say the words and my father decided to visit a Doctor. At that time he used to go to Coimbatore and he took me to a hospital (I think it was KG hospital, but I am not sure) there and consulted a Psychiatrist. He taught me some breathing techniques. At that time I was not conscious about my stammering and was not interested in going for a treatment. After two or three sittings I stopped going there.

As mentioned earlier, I became conscious about my stammering when I grew up and by the time I completed my school and joined the Pre degree course (the equivalent to +2 at that time in Kerala) I really began to feel that it was affecting my life. One day I talked to my father about this and asked him to help me by finding a good treatment for me. He agreed and almost at that time we saw an advertisement in a newspaper about a person in Madurai who was doing a six days course on stammering. My father’s younger brother, the same person who used to stammer as a young boy, was in Madurai at that time and my father asked him to enquire about him. The therapist was an engineer and underwent stammering treatment in UK and was imparting the same techniques in Madurai. The fee of the course at that time (some time in 1990 or so) was Rs.1800/-. At that time our financial position was not that much good and he agreed to give some discounts for the treatment. We went there to meet him and at that time he told the discount could not be given and my uncle became furious and told my father not to send me there. Though I was sad that I could not go for the treatment, I asked my father to search for a therapist in Kerala.

Then we came to know that a speech therapist from Calicut was coming to Trichur twice a week and was doing treatment there. I went to meet him. Most of those who came there to consult him were hearing impaired and it seemed I was the only person who came there for stammering. He asked me to read a newspaper and I fumbled and after that he told me to read by stretching the words. I could read comfortably and he told me to read like this for one hour a day and describe the same to my father after that. I would go there every week for follow up. Though I used to read and speak to my father fluently, I used to stammer outside this environment. He couldn’t do anything more and after some time my father asked me not to go there.

I was still not satisfied and was pestering him to find out another person for the treatment. Then he went to Medical trust hospital in Cochin and enquired about the Psychologist there. We got good feedback about her and we decided to meet her. She taught me the muscle relaxation exercise in which we tighten each part of the body and then relax it and reading loudly after keeping an instrument which makes a beeping noise in my ear. We also consulted the Psychiatrist there. It was useful for some time, but after that I didn’t get any improvement. So we talked to her and she told she could refer me to NIMHANS in Bangalore and gave me a letter addressed to somebody in NIMHANS. We sent it to him and got a reply from him asking me to come there.

We were about to visit Bangalore, when my father came to know about the Six days stammering treatment provided by some Psychologists in Krishna Nursing Home in Cochin. I joined that course and it involved stretched reading, speaking slowly, relaxation exercise, breathing exercise etc. The attendees needed to be there from 9 AM to 5 PM and the training was very intensive. I began to speak fluently from the very first day and by the end of the course I was completely all right. This happened when I completed my Pre degree course and was about to join my engineering.

After the course the therapist told that I might stammer a bit when I went to the new college. It seems this point was there in my mind as there was a relapse when I joined the college. I went for a lot of follow up therapies with them after that and though I would speak fluently during the therapy, the problem would relapse after that.

During this time my father saw an advertisement about a charitable organization called ‘Stuttering foundation’ in Cochin and contacted them. The person running the organization was a product of the same institute from where the Psychologists who treated me in Krishna Nursing home were and he told my father to pay only if I was satisfied by the treatment, as I had undergone a similar treatment in Krishna Nursing Home. I went there and found the treatment to be the same. After attending the course, I decided not to continue the same.

Job, Marriage and further therapies

By this time I had completed my engineering in production engineering from Government Engineering College Trichur and was searching for a job. I joined for MBA with IGNOU as I didn’t want to go for a regular college and interact with the people there (I completed my MBA in 2003). My maternal uncle and two of my maternal aunts were in Bombay at that time and they asked me to come to Bombay. I went there and stayed with my aunt. I attended a lot of interviews; but couldn’t clear any of them as I used to stammer severely during interviews. In the end I got a job in a company called Gopinath Engineering Company in Ghatkopar, which was run by some Malayalees, through the reference of one of the relatives of my uncle (my aunt’s husband). I was almost at the lowest point of my confidence at that time and was really worried whether I would be able to communicate and do justice to the job. As feared I fumbled a lot while communicating and in one occasion, I could not even speak a single word over the phone.

My father was working in ‘The Times of India’ at that time and through his company I got an interview call in a company called Muthoot Ceramics in Cochin. There were questions about stammering and I told that I stammered less in Malayalam and with people I knew. Though I stammered severely during the interview, I was selected by them and they told me to join the company. I called my employer in Bombay and told that I would come back and tender my resignation. Suddenly the very next day, I got a call from the company which selected me, telling that my selection was put on hold due to some technical issues and that I should not resign from the company. They told they would call me when the situation changed, though it didn’t happen. I went back to Bombay and they told me to continue.

All these incidents made me to believe that my stammering was a hurdle in my progress. At that time, I searched Yellow pages of Bombay and got the address of a Hypnotherapist and went to visit him. He told he could cure me and his fee was Rs.5000/-. I informed my father and he contacted a Psychiatrist, who also was a distant relative of ours in Trichur. He told there were some Hypnotherapists in Trichur too. When I heard this I decided to come back and talked to my employer. They also agreed to give me leave and I came back to Kerala.

I went to Elite Hospital in Trichur and consulted the Psychiatrist. He referred me to the Psychologist and he counseled me and did some Hypnotic sessions. After that he told me to go back to Bombay and continue the job. I was not satisfied and my father consulted the Psychiatrist again and he referred me to the speech therapist in the same Hospital. He taught me a technique in which I had to take a deep breath and start speaking when I breathed out. It slowed down the speed and was useful, but that also didn’t give sustainable improvement.

Then I decided to consult the therapist in Krishna Nursing Home once again and attended the treatment. As usual I spoke well during therapy, but fumbled outside the hospital. One day he talked about practicing yoga for making the mind calm. At the same time my father came to know about ‘Art of Living’ and he went there to enquire about it. The lady, who was conducting the course, told him that she also was a stammerer and that she could overcome her problem after attending the course. I discussed this with my therapist in Krishna Nursing Home and he also encouraged me to go for it. I attended the course and practiced the techniques. Though it didn’t give any benefit as far as stammering was concerned, I was interested in practicing the exercises as I used to exercise regularly from my teenage days. I included the techniques in my regular exercise and practiced it for a long time. Now I have stopped doing that and instead of that I am doing some of the Pranayama techniques taught by Baba Ramdev.

During the same period, I saw an advertisement by a Doctor who was running a hypnosis self help course. I asked my father to contact him and to know more about his treatment. This person was practicing in a place very close to mine and we decided to consult him. This treatment also gave some relief, but again, it also didn't last for a long time.
By this time, I had spent too much of time in Kerala on leave from my company and was almost feeling low as I was not getting the benefit I was looking for. Then we came to know about Dr. Krishnan of Cochin who was doing some holistic treatments, which was a combination of electromagnetic pulse therapy, Acupressure, Hypnotherapy and Chethna (one form of Pranic healing). (His details can be had from the following site http://www.centreforenergymedicine.com/ ). He was an MBBS, DCH, BAM, FCCP and was a government doctor. He started practicing these methods after his retirement. Before this therapy my confidence level was very low and this treatment made me confident of facing the world. He had asked me to do self hypnosis after that and it was really helpful in keeping the confidence level up.

One point of his treatment which was in conflict with the basic concept of TISA was not to tell anybody in advance about stammering. His point was that it might make you conscious about stammering and it might trigger stammering. The other person would anyway come to know of your stammering if you stammered and if you could speak fluently without any blocks, that was good. He wanted me to think more about speaking fluently and wanted me to remove the thoughts of stammering completely from the mind. May be this is also one way of seeing it.

By this time I went back to Bombay and continued my job. It was the boom time for IT sector and I also decided to jump into it, though reluctantly, by joining a course in Java. At the same time my father had retired from ‘The Times of India’ and through the recommendation of his company, I got an interview call from a company called NeST in Cochin. They interviewed me for the post of an engineer in an Electronics division of theirs and since my experience was not into that, I was about to be rejected. I told them that I would be interested in IT as I had undergone a course in Java. They had an IT division and though my Java course was not good enough for them to give me a job, they decided to induct me to their IT division as a Quality Engineer as I answered some of their questions about ISO 9001.

This time there were no hick ups and I joined them. I parted ways with my Bombay firm, which was magnanimous enough to give me a job and retain me even after verbally conveying my resignation once and also after going on long leave. Words are not enough to thank them for giving a kick start to my career.

I worked in NeST, for Six years and learned a lot about Quality Engineering. Whatever I have learned about Quality Engineering was from there and it was the company which made me a worthwhile person. During the career in NeST too, I felt the difficulties of stammering and used to avoid giving presentations, though there were occasions in which I had to give them. Some of them went well and some of them were really bad. I didn’t try to change the job because I was comfortable with the job and was afraid of attending interviews. The fear of going to another state or location and the difficulties I might face in these new places due to stammering was also one of the reasons for not trying for a change.

I got married in 2005 and my wife was a Malayalee settled in Bangalore. I had made a decision of going to see the girl only if everything was matching and my desire was to see only one girl. Luckily everything went well and I didn’t stammer when I went to see the girl. After the marriage was fixed, I told her that I stammered and she told it was okay with her. After marriage she told me that they had enquired about me and came to know about my stammering even before I went to see her. I have a son who is two and half years old and he speaks fluently.

After some time I thought of changing the job as some sorts of stagnation had come to my career. I decided to try for jobs in Bangalore as my in-laws were there. I attended some interviews and I struggled a lot and could not clear them. Though I cleared the first telephonic round of a company in Pune I didn’t go for the face to face interview as it was not in Cochin or Bangalore. Then I was selected by a company in Bangalore and I rejected the offer for fear of going to a new company and having to communicate with the people there. At that time I underwent the course with Dr. Krishnan once again and it gave me more confidence. After 6 years in NeST, I could find a job in HCL Technologies in Bangalore and left NeST in 2007, though it was a job I really enjoyed and which gave me a lot of satisfaction as a professional. Currently I am working with HCL Technologies.

By this time Dr. Krishnan had also shifted to Bangalore and I underwent some more sessions with him after I came to Bangalore. Though I was not much concerned about stammering by the time I came to Bangalore, the desire to overcome it was still there with me. That is when I came to know about a Hypnotherapist and decided to consult him as Dr. Krishna had gone back to Cochin by that time. I went there and it was useful, but as with any other therapy the result was not sustainable. Now I am not regularly going there, but plans to visit him whenever required.

Present situation

I still stammer, though I would say I have recovered from it by about 75%. There will still be some odd days when the blocks will be very severe, thereby making me feeling low and some days when I speak very fluently. It is at this time that I came to know from Orkut about TISA and I contacted the coordinator of TISA and am now attending the Banagalore SHG meetings, held on every Sunday in Cubbon Park at 10 AM. During the same time I came in touch with Dr. Sachin of TISA and had some very useful conversations with him. I learned bouncing and prolongation from him and am practicing them now. I am also making an effort to accept the stammering and disclose it in advance as it reduces the pressure of hiding it. I think stammering is basically a psychological issue and can be controlled well by improving the confidence level. Attending therapy from a professional and attending self help group meetings would really be useful in controlling it. In SHG meetings we would get opportunity to practice different techniques learned by us and it would also help in sharing the knowledge. I came to know from one of the SHG meetings that the treatment in NIMHANS in Bangalore is free of cost (I was planning to come to NIMHANS as a teenager).

I know that this is a pretty long article and if you had the patience to read it fully and if you got some useful information, I will be a very happy person.  

(Originally written on 21-Oct-2009 at http://www.stammer.in/articles/38-cat-stuttering-related/222-ssstammering-and-my-life.html.)